Peeking through the Cracks - Ashley

“To want to serve God in some conditions, but not others, is to serve Him in your own way. But to put no limits on your submission to God is truly dying to yourself. This is how to worship God. Open yourself to God without measure. Let His life flow through you like a torrent. Fear nothing on the road you are walking. God will lead you by the hand. Let your love for Him cast out the fear you feel for yourself.” – (Francois Fenelon Pgs.32-33)

The truth lying in the midst of these words from chapter one disturbs my heart. I say with my lips I want to serve God, and I make efforts with my actions daily. But the truth is my actions are conditional and measured:

- I will submit, but not die to self.

- I will surrender, on my terms.

- I will trust, when I understand.

- I will go, when I know where and how.

- I will love others, if they don’t hurt me or do things I don’t approve of.

- I will sacrifice, if I remain comfortable.

- I will let go, when I am not afraid.

- I will give, when I have extra.

I am being blatantly honest and the truth is gut wrenching. Instead of allowing His life to flow through me like a torrent, I have obstructed His outpouring with worldly fears, standards, comforts and measures. I have limited His work in my life based on my feelings and understandings. I can no longer retreat to a life of comfort while others are in desperate need. I must engage. It is time for a Holy dangerous surrender in my heart, and I will start this journey shouting - “YES LORD”!

Lord, change my heart to feel what You feel, give me new eyes to see what You see. May I act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with You. (Michah 6:8) May there be no complacent breath in my body. Make me a “disturbed women” for Your Kingdom work. - In the Name and blood of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen