Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Gloriously Ruined - Ashley

“My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.” 1 John 3:18

As I read chapter three, truth unfolds and what is hidden deep in my heart is revealed. The Lord has lead me to give and take action many times, and this has become somewhat easy for me. However, the truth is I do not allow my heart to get “too involved” and that is disturbing. I keep my distance and make excuses because there is enough hurt and struggle in “my own kingdom”. To dare take on someone else’s pain might overwhelm me. The minute I feel overwhelmed with another person’s needs/hurts, I tend to “short circuit the process” of what God is trying to do in my heart (as she describes on pg.73-74) and retreat back to “my kingdom”.

Kay suggest at the end of this chapter to make a list of why you might hesitate to ask God to “ruin” you. Being as real and honest as I can – here are a few of my hesitations:

- Those I’m trying to help might hurt me.

- I might not be able to make a difference, which equals failure in my eyes.

- I might get taken advantage of.

- I might not have enough time or enough to offer.

- It might take away from my families needs.

- I might get rejected.

These are indeed understandable hesitations. But every one of them is selfish in nature and, not one is justified.

In the past years we have adopted a “family in need” for Christmas. The norm for us is to buy gifts, deliver them, pray for the family, get emotional, and then mark this “good deed” off our list. We feel good about our actions and then go on about our business – not letting our hearts get too attached, too involved, or too “ruined”. (Again- I am being honest.)

It is no accident the Lord has brought the pages of this disturbing book before my eyes, and it is not just for a good read. Starting now I want to surrender my protected heart to the deepest hurts and needs of others. I want to wrap my arms around the necks of those in need of a hug so they know they are loved. I want to walk alongside those hurting and battle with them through struggles. I want to be His hands and feet wherever He leads and allow Him to gloriously ruin me. May the walls around my heart come crashing down so that I no longer choose to short-circuit the process!

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